Entering Sunderworld: Memories of Moments

A handful of months ago, I read one of my friend’s blogs from the early 2000’s. He wrote about dance parties he enjoyed, moments in life spent with friends - captured and archived. He wrote about simple relaxing days, travel, honeymooning, even about the very beginnings of Philadelphia’s legendary Porchfest. I don’t really remember how I found the blog, but I felt so inspired to continue in the tradition and start writing.

That starts now…

I am not shy to admit that I love creeping on my friends. Most of the people I’m friends with now didn’t know me when I was @teenagecreep on most of my platforms. There is a special knowing that I possess; I am able to follow synchronicities with a depth that can sometimes be frightening. I know many things people tell me before they are said aloud. I have been keeping track of these moments and knowings for about 7 years now, archiving to some degree the ways my life has shifted and transformed by Dancing in the Dark. Being alone in the city was never my plan, I came here to create a family. In doing just that, I’ve also been able to connect my web across the country many times, with so many other people. My web is strong, always pulling in more manna for sustained longevity.

This week, another blog post came across my attention. It was about a party that I helped support, Against the Grain. This party is an incredible moment in time, a seedling in the field with 100 hands surrounding it in warm sun-shining love & fiery passion. The post detailed moments from the party and moments the author recounted, true love echoing from the blogger’s parties past. Not only did the blog detail our party, it described a feeling we all hoped to emit, and there were photos of items I had a hand in placing. Memories I only had in my head were in physical form, in the digital realm, from a stranger I danced next to in a dark urban sawmill. I was so touched by their perspective on the day-into-night, I am so fully inspired once again.

A second time during this insanely busy week, a blog crossed my stories. A new blog from one of my favorite DJs in all of the world, Estoc. It is a headquarters for free expression. I was inspired by all of the bloggers over the years, but this blog specifically drew me in beyond my ability to hold back any longer. Estoc is fantastic for a myriad of reasons, but for me, she has always been someone that I have observed being a genuine creature with the ability to connect people to the kind of music that heals us from the inside out. She wrote a 2025’s music in review <insert link later> and in doing so, she highlighted another one of my favorite DJs, Bored Lord. I have no idea how these two know each other, but watching their interactions & connection warms my soul. Bored Lord and I have been following each other on Instagram for ages, me admiring her development into a music Superstar and her a fan of my IMVU avatars and digital art. She released a perfect tape in 2024 titled “New Moon Ritual To Protect Against Medical Transphobia” for our trans angels everywhere. I bought the tape via Deep Listening Experience, and I guess Estoc loved it as much as I did! Estoc also released a record this year titled “Are We Doomed to Bow to the Stupid and Cruel?” And it’s filled with music that echoes memories in my mind. Two gals from across the country have helped healed me for such a long time, and they are friends… I am so blessed.

When I was new to Philly in 2016 and freshly out of the worst relationship I’ve ever had, the dancefloor of Berks Warehouse was the safest place I knew of to tenderly nurse me back to myself. I actually was set out to live in the residential part of the Warehouse when I was still dating my ex. I decided to live my life alone in a way the defied who I had been: I took the records, places, names, people that my ex gave me and I ran away with all of it. I ran into the arms of the dance floor and it changed me forever. Even still today, I see that as the most transformative time in my life. Many times on that dance floor, I danced next to the same DJs that eventually mended my broken heart. There was one night in particular that I remember Estoc played a set with medieval rhythms, my soul was locked in. I remember wondering which DJ from the flyer she was, hoping I’d see her again. To my surprise, I saw her at the Black Cherry Seltzer party in 2017 at Cousin Danny’s with 2 DJs who became my favorites: Bearcat and Precolumbian. Those three along with w00dy, Pretty Please, Merloh, and DJ Haram helped to shape the beginnings of my now permanent place as a dance floor daddy (see below).

Fast forward 9 years later, these artists are deeply part of the fabric of my story. I continue to seek that safety in every dance floor, sometimes I make it myself. At Against the Grain at Umbria Arts this past Saturday, we made it together. Still, I feel memories from past parties echoing in my present.

April 2024, I was beyond broke after moving around constantly and reached out to Bored Lord (Daria) to let her know that I wouldn’t be able to afford her Making Time show. Dave P was another name given to me by my ex. I spent all these years following his parties around, too. As many Philly party-goers know, MT has quickly become inaccessible to us low-funded freaks, making it harder and harder to enjoy freedom on the dancefloor. Daria ensured me that I would be added to the list, and of course I made her some Kandi bracelets to say thank you. A wonderfully explosive time was had. I met up with Emma, one of my long-time Philly favorites, and her friends. Needless to say, we all enjoyed the party even though being inside the warehouse had the music louder than I could physically stand at many points. We chilled outside and I managed to get inches away from the decks before Daria started, to pass off her gift. While it was a lovely show, there was no food to purchase, lots of baby ravers making noise, and plenty of antisocial assholes just kinda staring at everyone as we battled to be the first to get to the next open portajawn. This experience reminded me of everything I loved and what I miss from parties past. It also taught me that there was a massive need to fulfill at parties - FEED THE DANCERS!

Halloween 2024, my beautiful friends started Danse Macabre at The Belfry. This party started as a goth nite dream come true, and unfolded constantly, even on Halloween this year. I started serving food at these parties and it was one of the most healing experiences to watch the joy spread with every skewer, bag of chips, and warm hug. I rekindled friendships with people I lost to time, made new friends, and celebrated the lives of those in our lives who have lost their lives, whether it be naturally or due to drug abuse and suicide. Every angel we have lost has a story to be told. We continue to immortalize our friends when we dance and express the freedoms we still have in the waking world. Placing offerings at the Ofrenda table in The Belfry is something I had never encountered before, something I didn’t know I needed. Just like cooking, I didn’t know how much I needed to serve my friends, or how healing it would be to have that opportunity. Serving food and making memories into moments has continued into the 2nd Against the Grain party in August, where I grilled food for a whopping 9 hours. This will likely be a part of my life for decades to come. I can’t imagine my life without the release of dance, the joining forces of like-minded music lovers, and the act of love that it is to keep my people fed.